The Mother

Folks, I need to pass along this crystal clear message here: There are no such things as Aliens!!! They just don't exist. The whole Star Wars, Star Trek, War of the Worlds, X-Files, Independence Day kind of thing just isn't "out there" (insert alien music) somewhere! The fact of the matter is that the American government isn't keeping any weird creatures at Area 51. They probably do have some kind of Zoology Lab there and some of the experiments might have created unfortunate mistakes such as George W. Bush, but over-all, I believe that he is not enough evidence for intelligent, or in his case: unintelligent, life out there. The whole idea that there are vast tapestries in space, being travelled on by E.T’s, is mind-wobblingly stupid. Look at the logic of it: A Space ship in the shape of a saucer travels hundreds of light years, from another galaxy. So far, this would seem feasible (to some googly-eyed Trekkie), except that it would take thousands of years to cover the distance between our solar system and the reaches of space which our very cool telescopes haven't discovered yet. Also, imagine the "aliens" have found a way to put themselves into stasis and they travel here over a few thousand years, then they get here and realize that the dinosaurs they were planning to hunt for their exquisite leather are, in fact, now extinct. This would force the hunters to consider an alternative, but would that really mean that they would go for COWS!?! (In reference to the inexplicable skinning of cows by so-called aliens.) The human body has the best type of skin for leather, so would these hyper-intellectual beings pass up the opportunity to skin us all and make a tidy profit back home? No, of course not, never! "Skin all humans and have handbags." I can almost hear their motto. So, considering our great leathery potential, why are we not being hunted left, right and centre? They surely have the means to handle the technologically backward people we must seem to them, as they already know of things like, suspended animation and stasis and vast space travel and such like things.

I'm just waffling, but I like this bit of waffle, so I'll bake some more some other time.

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